Ahhhh...... birth! Not just in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense as well. Our vision of this birth: all natural, painful but purposeful, connecting with the women of the past who have endured the same, without drugs squatting by the river side... this was our birth plan. But as someone once said, "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
Overdue J got acupunture on Monday. Tao He, the man, told J that she would most likely start having contractions that night or the next. 5000 years of medicine obviously doesn't lie! All Monday night, J was waking up to very mild contractions. Each one that woke her made her more and more excited. Throughout the next day, the contractions were present, although, only a handful. As j said, "a piece of cake!"
Tuesday night, we went to bed around 10:30pm and the contractions started to become quite regular. They were 5 minutes apart and no longer a piece of cake. So we called MaryAnne, our nurse-midwife, and stayed in touch hour after hour. She knew we wanted to labor at home for the most of the labor and was in full support of that. All night J had 5 minute apart contractions... the real deal. Steve was by her side the entire time, rubbing her back, helping her breathe through and just being ultimately supportive.
By 5:30am we were timing 3 minute apart contractions and J was getting nauseous and shaky. We called MaryAnne and she said, "Sounds like she's dilated to a 7, you should bring her in." So off we went!
Upon on arrival, we got all situated and then got checked for dilation. A disappointing and shocking NOTHING! MaryAnne said things were soft and manually dilated her to 3. The laboring continued. Hard labor. (We were told eventually that J was in back labor for 20 hours, meaning baby Celia was sunny side up, her skull hitting J's tailbone each contraction.) Each dilation check, we had nothing. MaryAnne continued to manually dialte J. Eventually by 5:oopm, 12 hours after we arrived at the hospital, 19 hours after hard labor had begun, J had been manually dialted to only 6.
At this time J and Steve had been awake for 36 hours, Tues 5:30am to Wed 5:00pm. And Steve never left J's side. He never slept, he never ate, he stayed immensly connected, trying to give J every ounce of support and pain relief for the all natural labor that was their desire. As J has said, there is no way she would have gotten through this without Steve. 
But yet, J still wasn't dilating on her own. The breaking point had been crossed for J. In tears, she stated she couldn't take it anymore. If she were advancing and we saw an end, perhaps. But after 19 hours of 5 to 3 minute apart contractions, and 24 hours of labor in general, and no dilation, she was beyond.
After much reluctance while deeply held values lye prostrate for re-examination, we all decided that an epidural was needed. J's exhaustion mixed with her tension was likely affecting the progress of birth. We just wanted Celia out safely. The epidural gave J a much needed reprieve and we waited for an hour. Checked J. No dilation. Not even manually able to move to a 7. Disappointed, MaryAnne made the decision to induce J.
A Pitocin drip was started. We watched the contractions crash on the moniters measuring J's contractions and Celia's vitals. They were enormous. Under the epidural they weren't felt by J, but poor baby Celia was still working hard. An hour later, checked for dilation. Nothing. And the cervix had closed up some. Something was clearly not right.
J looked at MaryAnne and said, "I'm ready to talk about a C-section." MaryAnne then stated that she thought that was what was going to need to happen and had already made all the calls. She was awesome. She had labored with J with Steve and had given J every position imaginable to encourage and keep the labor working. She even attempted to turn baby Celia but was unable to due to Celia being stuck elsewhere, unbeknownst to us, and not down in the birth-canal. She had done everything she could and finally stated that this was absolutely necessary, and we absolutely trusted her. And then Celia went into distress. Our hearts were gutted. We were able to bring her back by repositioning J and thankfully, Celia gave us the extra hour we needed to prep J for surgery. It was now around 8pm.
Shaking, delirious, and vomiting from exhaustion and drugs, J was wheeled off. Steve was still there, absolutely present, loving and supportive. He was absolutely amazing. And then, after 29 hours of labor, Celia arrived. It was 8:48pm.
So what was wrong? Dr. Leazenby, amazing man that became my surgeon and doctor, explained that Celia was wedged in the pelvic bone. J's size would not accomodate her head. She seemingly continued to bounce against the opening and then end up off track. They called it "transverse", a 3 to 9 o'clock position. Turned the wrong way and face up made entry into the canal even more difficult. Celia came out with 2 large welts on her head and a bruised arm from her trying to get out. It broke our hearts. Thankfully, Celia, spoke to our hearts to put our ego and birth plan aside to do what was best for her safety. Our Celia was under an immense amount of stress, says our doctor. He also told J, that by the looks of it, C-sections were a must for any future babies unless 5 pounds or under. A second scary part for Celia. Her cord was in a knot. The nurse called Celia a miracle baby. Most babies with a knot in the cord are still-born she said. Especially if they are delivered vaginally because the cord pulls tight as baby leaves the canal and oxygen is cut off. We could not believe it.
Yet, here we were, hour after hour, all of J's greatest birthing fears being realized--epidural, induction, strapped to a bed, stuck with an IV, C-section... and it all may have saved baby Celia's life. What a deep honor we were given to confront and embrace, yet, another lesson in letting go and trusting the process, of being in your eternal moment, resisting nothing and accepting everything, casting aside all previous notions, judgements, and expectations to realize what truly matters in the moment of birth - Life.
Unfortunatly the story doesn't stop there. Celia was born with a fever. Thankfully, her fever passed within the first hour of life. J was not so lucky. J's fever and blood pressure were getting worse by the minute; J was diagnosed with eclampsia and toxemia and so the IV drips were started. They got to their room at 11pm and J was put on an antibiotic drip and a magnesium sulfate drip. The drips made her nauseous and extremely overheated from vessel relaxation to keep the vessels very dialated so that j wouldn't stroke or seizure from the high blood pressure. This went on for nearly 36 hours.
All night and day people were in and out of the room every 1/2 hour to check J's vitals, take her blood, and switch bags of this and that. J's labs were not coming back steadily improved. Her uric acid, platlets, and hemoglobin were not right to top the list. We were up all night. By the end of it all had both been up for 72 hours, with 2 short naps...
But to the recovery!!! By Friday morning her labs had turned around so well that she was taken off all medication and drips (except pain meds of course -- major surgery is OW!) Her calcium had gone goofy and her hemoglobin remained off as well. But J flipped around in the blink of an eye. With the magnesium off, she could eat again, see (the med relaxed the muscles of her eye so that everything flickered like an old foggy movie), and walk. She did so well Friday, they let us go Saturday afternoon. And finally the new voller family was home!What a process. What a hero's journey, yet again. The walking into the woods of wonder, being enveloped in darkness to confront some scary monster, only to arrive a more whole person having traversed the unknown and the difficult. Both Steve and Jeannie are different people after the experience. And for the better. So we didn't get the birth we wanted. But truly, the birth WAS perfect. It happened and unfolded as it should. We know this. As another wise man once said, "all is perfect just as it is."
We find it terribly ironic that if J had her tribal, raw birth that she had wanted, and we weren't in modern times, that we probably would have lost both her and Celia. Don't know what to make of that yet, and does it even matter? We just know we can't thank the people enough who made Celia's birth possible. Especially MaryAnne, our constant advocate and support who knew at each obstacle when it was time to go through it or take a different direction. Between her and Dr. Leazenby, Dr. Shin, Dr. Gibson and the compassionate Spectrum nurses, we have our baby girl. Here is MaryAnne and Celia. You can see how puffed up Celia was from the trama in the canal - our trooper of a daughter!
Anyway, that is our story. Being home is blissful. We had a rough first few days waiting for J's milk to come in, but now have such a happy baby!!! She is a breastfeeding queen! Ahhh! The one thing that went as "planned." :)
And now we enter into our next Hero's Journey: Parents to Celia. More on that to come.
Thank you all for your support through this whole pregnancy. We are blessed because of it. All you need really IS love.
