Dichotomy Dialogue

"You didn't gain any weight."

Good Sign.

"So he's stopped moving around so much?"

Good Sign.

"You're not hungry anymore."

Good Sign.

"You're not sleeping at nights."

Sorta Good Sign.

"You're measuring 41 centimeters."

Big Baby and Good Sign that cooking is completing.

Let's Check Under the Hood:

He hasn't moved.
He hasn't dropped.
You aren't effaced.
You aren't dialated.
I can't strip the membranes even.
You were only measuring 38cm with Celia at this time.
You're having headaches everyday?
Not sleeping?
Seeing stars?

I need advice.

He needs to come out.

How soon?

Next week. We'll see what we have open.


Inside my head:
Did I fail?
Am I taking the easy road?
Am I in danger?
Is baby in danger?
Will we both be in danger if we wait longer like we were with Celia?
I can't really take much more.
Am I messing with Mother Nature?
Everything hurts. I wake up each morning feeling like I can't take another day of pain and exhaustion.
But I do.
This has got to be divine intervention speaking.
June 8th.
Wow, so soon...

Steve:
I really feel we can't wait. I think you've been having troubles longer than you should even at this point. I'm definitely ok with Monday.

Mom:
Just please go. I don't want you to tax your body in labor again and end up with toxemia.

Dad:
You know you need to be around for these 2 kids.

Me:
Ok, ok, I've done my best. I've done all I can do.